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P90X – The “P” Stands for Perplexed

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

P90X defies any sort of predictability or clear sense of progress sometimes. Don’t get me wrong; there are many times when one sees obvious, tangible results. There are many times one feels like one is on the way to becoming a kick ass, chiseled, acrobatic specimen.

For instance:

  • When one can complete all 16 minutes of Ab Ripper X in one sitting without hitting pause and nails all 330+ reps, which happened for me just this week
  • When one begins incorporating REAL pull-ups into the workouts instead of 100% unassisted pull-ups
  • When one begins craving steamed veggies over french fries
  • When one can balance on one leg and extend the other leg straight out and grab the toe and maintain balance (”Not possible!”, I said, just two weeks ago…now it’s a party trick for me)
  • When one starts noticing the pants that were too tight begin to get a little looser and drafty (”Look, ma, I can pull out the waist band and see my shoes through my shorts!”)

And, yet.

There are times when one begins to completely doubt one’s  self.

Legs and Back is the routine that fills me with dread and fear. Just two weeks ago I puked during the routine because of the excesses of the previous night.  And this week, my fifth week in the program, it still kicked my derier.

To get a small taste of the routine, you can check out this woman’s youtube review:

Note that this maniac mentions she’s doing it twice a week. Why, Dear God, why? Why do P90Xers all too often feel the need to stretch out the masochism into more areas of life? Trust me, onlookers, Legs and Back is not fun. And, really, let’s be specific here, it’s the “Legs” portion that sucks.

Every exercise subjects your lower limbs to a deep, intense, burning lactic acid bath. It feels as if someone has managed to infiltrate your waist to pour buckets of lava down each leg hole. It is not fun. It is not something anyone should want to do twice a week, even if that someone is a lunatic self-improvement-obsessed-workoutaholic.

Now, in the workout’s defense, I’m sure it’s going to work at some point. The thing is, it’s the only routine where I haven’t seen clear, demonstrable progress. The routine is focused on doing a set number of reps moreso than using weight, so you’re really going to be doing similar numbers every week; the problem is, it doesn’t feel like I’m getting stronger. My legs FEEL stronger when I’m doing other stuff, but during this routine, the burn is always there, the fatigue convulsions are always there, the creeping nausea is there, the desire to quit is there. The panic when I realize I’m not even halfway done and Tony has that crazed, overeager smile on his face because he knows you’re being owned is still there. I can’t feel the progress!

Oh well. I’ve gone on too long about something I hate. When I first started P90X I thought Yoga X was the hardest routine. Now I believe Legs and Back is.

If you don’t believe me, go do 25 lunges and a wall squat for a minute and a half and get back to me.

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P90X Phase 2

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

Husband here:

The poor wiffy has been sick and ailing and also tied up in post-graduate schooling, thus she has been AWOL from the P90X world. She will resume after June 25th.

But back to me:
I’ve successfully completed Phase 1 of P90X and am beginning Phase 2. I haven’t had a chance to keep the throngs of unwashed blog followers up-to-date on my goings on, but trust that I will try to do better in the future.

For a brief update: I couldn’t sleep this morning due to work-related anxiety (yeah, the only people who don’t have this are either out of work ((which is un-work-related anxiety)) or sell guns or seeds), so I got up to do the uber-new Chest-Shoulders-Triceps routine. Holy Pectoralis Major was it a tough workout! If you want to feel better about your probably insecure professional life, just destroy yourself at 6 AM by doing crap like this:

one-arm-push-up1

The wiffy and I took 30 day pics the other night as well as measured body fat. I’m not posting pics yet, but a couple of quantifiably good results — body fat reduced from 20% to 13% and pull-ups increased from 1 to a whopping, eye-popping 5. I got stronger and stretchier and more balanced in lots of other areas as well, but I won’t bore you with stats for the time being, but I can’t wait to see how things progress by day 90.

Keep your chin up and your loins covered and I’ll try to be better at this updating thing.

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Core Synergistics and Ego Confusion

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

Husband here:

Just when I was starting to brag to family and friends about the tremendous gains I was making with P90X; the second-naturedness of the program growing on me like a shadow; the warm familiarity of discovering routines that seemed like a long lost part of me reawakened in me to give birth to a new body — just when I was getting comfortable, then entered Core Synergistics. If you don’t know what Core Synergistics is, don’t worry, I didn’t either. It sounds like a Corporate Management Leadership program run amok. But it’s so much worse.

Take Yoga X, Ab Ripper X, Plyometrics, and add a dash of Back, Chest, and Leg exercises, and you have this unholy amalgamation of bodily confusion. None of the exercises contained therein should be *that* hard in isolation, but taken together, it’s a demoralizing romp through muscle endurance drudgery. OK, I lie, there’s one move that’s probably relatively difficult even when you’re not tired.

Behold, the Reach High and Under Push-up!

You know, this move might not be that hard if it wasn’t about 20 moves in and your arms weren’t already Jell-O and, oh, you’ve never tried it before, but given that it’s your first time, the move is a real soul crusher. I did manage a couple, but they were sad and wobbly, like my spirit.

This is the “recovery week” and I’ve already done this dispiriting set of crapsuckery and Yoga X. I’d hate to see “hell week”. In a way Core Synergistics may be the one routine that best embodies the most extreme parts of P90X, for better or worse. I’m glad it’s over…for now.

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P90 Wretch

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Husband here… If you look closely, you may see a problem with my latest Legs and Back workout:

p90wretch2

That’s right, I hurled mid-Legs-and-Back on Sunday; this by virtue of the fact that I was up too late the night before drinking adult beverages. In P90X world, no slothful deed goes unpunished, and my Saturday night of excess was no exception. I was about halfway through my workout when an overwhelming nausea crept over me and was exacerbated by the smell of household cleaning products wafting in from the bathroom the missus was cleaning.

Ladies, if your hungover man is doing P90X, do NOT clean the toilets until AFTER he pukes into them. That’s just a courteous household tip that should spare the sanity of all involved.

Anyway, I did get through the workout (feeling like a dazed refugee), but I couldn’t do Abripper X, so that had to wait until tonight.

Tonight I finished Kenpo X and tacked on Ab Ripper… I almost kept up with the entire thing without pausing! I also tried pull-ups again afterwards for the heck of it and managed four! That’s up from one just three weeks ago.

I am now entering the rest week of P90X. That means mostly cardio training for the next week while my muscles rebuild from the three weeks of hardship I subjected them to. The cool thing is I get to do two new routines I haven’t tried yet — Cardio X and Core Synergistics X. The bad thing is I have to do Yoga X twice.

Wish me luck!

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You Can Do Anything for 30 Seconds…

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

… or so says Tony Horton.  For 30 seconds you can hold your breath, stand on one leg, sing the last note to Don’t Cry, or even count to 30 if you’re feeling spry.

But tonight was Plyo, so I did a lot of jumping around, squatting, lunging, and scampering for 30 seconds at a time. I am always torn in describing Plyometrics. If you asked me how I like it when I’m doing it, I’d tell you I hate it. If you ask me an hour later, I’d tell you it’s a hard workout, but pretty fun. If you ask me a day later, I’ll tell you it’s an awesome workout, and like a woman who has given birth, I will have evidently forgotten all associated pain and will be willing to do it again.

Anyway, I’m in my 3rd week of P90X. Kind of weird that I won’t be doing the workout I did yesterday (Chest and Back) again until Week 9.  Oh, and just for kicks, I tried doing unassisted pull-ups tonight after my workout. I managed 3! 3 might not sound like a lot, but I could only do 1 when I started and I didn’t imagine I would be able to triple that in just two weeks.

For those of you who might be interested in seeing a Plyo workout in action, you can check out the following video. Note that this guy appears to have better form and speed in his routines than I do, but we have him beat in home decor. Also, check out around the 2:09 marker… the guy actually makes an “X” symbol at the camera. Is he taking it too seriously, or is Xing an inevitable side effect of the program?

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The Great Time Sink of P90X

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Husband here:

P90X is a lifestyle change, plain and simple. If you do the program the way you’re supposed to do the program, you’re not going to have many other hobbies outside of work until after the 90 days. I have read dozens and dozens of reviews about this program, and most center on how much of an investment in time and energy the actual workouts are; what I’ve found is the nutrition program takes as much if not more time.

p90x-nutrition

I now have to think about every meal. Instead of skipping breakfast, I have to fix a nutritious one. I have to remember to pack snacks like peanuts (which I forgot today), fix big, hearty salads for lunch, and again, for dinner I have to prepare meats and veggies. TV Dinners are out. Box meals are out. Fast food is out. Whenever I have the opportunity to eat out and get a nice salad prepared FOR me, I now leap for joy. I’ve always eaten out for social reasons, laziness, or gluttony, now I enjoy eating out to get a salad I don’t have to fix myself. Almost sad, no?

The investment in time for both the workouts and the nutrition plan are nothing to sneeze at. Some people balk at the initial DVD costs of $120-$150. That expense is NOTHING. You’ll spend more on healthy food and setting aside time to go through the program than you’ll worry about how much money you paid for the DVDs, which in the end are a good value.

But yesterday forces beyond my control conspired against me, and I missed Kenpo X. Today was supposed to be my rest day, so I did Kenpo X today and I even ran a mile and a half afterwards. After that, I prepared some salmon, rice, and asparagus. And now it’s almost bed time. See what I mean? No time for hobbies, barely time for a blog update.

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Week 2 of P90X and the Forming of Equipment Lust

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

Husband here:

So I can officially say, the second week of P90X has started off a lot easier than the first week. We are both tracking our reps and weight pretty closely where applicable, and I learned to pace myself on Chest and Back so I would have enough energy to give the last 30 minutes of the workout my full glory. My muscle endurance was better than last week, for sure, but I still have a lot of work left.

What I am realizing, however, is that I’m going to need some more weights if I want to get serious on the few exercises that require them. Most of P90X is about body resistance, cardio, ab workouts, mobility, and endurance, so on and so forth — in fact, needing so little equipment to get started and even to maintain the program (and even travel!) is a large part of its appeal — it’s really an elegant system.  Before starting P90X I was probably using $50,000 worth of gym equipment at Gold’s Gym, but now I’m using about $100 worth of equipment in my own home and having my butt handed to me.

Still, a few of the chest, back, shoulder and arm exercises do benefit from extra weight. For some people just looking to trim fat and tone up, the resistance bands may be enough. However, I’m guessing most guys who want to bulk up some will start getting into the 25lb+ weight range with dumbbells before too long if they haven’t already transcended wussy manhood. I bought an adjustable set of dumbbells, and they will scale up, however, in my dreams I would buy this set of PowerBlocks:

PowerBlock Personal Adjustable 5 to 45-Pounds per Dumbbell Set

These Bowflex SelectTech dumbbells look like a dream as well:

Bowflex SelectTech 552 Dumbbells

Generally the idea is to save space and make switching out weights super easy. However, you have to break the bank to do so unless you can get lucky on eBay or Craig’s List.

Anyway, week two is off to a great start. Tomorrow is Shoulders and arms, which is a little easier. However, Yoga X looms too close in the horizon, and I’m already trying to brace myself.

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P90 Rest

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

Husband here:  So, the first week of P90X is done. I guess that makes this P83X now, eh?

In an odd twist of irony, I can honestly say that Yoga X is the hardest routine, and Kenpo X is the easiest. Why is this? Whereas you might think Yoga X is all soulful, spiritual, contemplative, reflective, etc., it’s actually torturous; meanwhile whereas  you might think Kenpo X is all badass and aggressive, it’s actually quite fun and relaxing. The world works in odd and perplexing ways.

Today was a rest day. I could have either done stretches or just eat and drink beer, so I chose the latter. I hope you agree that I chose wisely.

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Days 1-4 Retrospective

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

Husband here:

Not officially through the first four days but am close.

First off, P90X has been EXACTLY what I’m looking for, which is a program that relentlessly assaults and remedies my weaknesses. The bummer here is that I have far more than I realized, and I already knew I was weak. The good thing is Tony (whose blog I just found) encourages you to ditch the ego and focus on proper form and improvement over over-exertion for the sake of glory. That’s good, because this is humbling stuff.

Day 1: Chest & Back & Ab Ripper X

I don’t like push-ups. I don’t like pull-ups. The majority of this routine is doing variations of both until your arms are limp noodles. Weee. There are also some military-friendly exercises called “Dive Bombers” that simulate crawling underneath a fence, coming out the other side, thinking better of it, then crawling backwards again, repeat and so on. Shockingly enough, I could do that one, which suggests I am well prepared to trespass into fenced pastures if necessary! Nothing glamorous with this routine, just meat & potatoes type stuff.

Oh, and you end with Ab Ripper X, which is a 15 minute barrage to the abs. This is precisely another type of activity I would not do if left to my own devices. No worries, this program rubs your face in it. You’re not going to get out of this program without strong abs seems to be the message.

Day 2: Plyometrics

Partially fun, partially hell. This is definitely aerobic in nature as you jump around everywhere. A lot of the jumps simulate actual activities you might engage in if you’re not resigned to a desk-bound job in an air conditioned office; you know, stuff our forefathers might have done, like jumping across creeks, or hopping through rows of tires, practicing a jump shot in basketball, and so forth. All of this was novel for me as I haven’t played a sport in two years, and my legs felt like leprous sandbags by the end of the routine. Even simple exercises such as scampering around a towel in a circle  made me look like I was recovering from having been bed-ridden for a year.

Day 3: Shoulders & Arms

Suspiciously easy workout compared to the previous two. A lot of fairly conventional shoulder, bicep and tricep work, almost all of which I had done before. “This is not what I paid for!” I wanted to think, but secretly I was grateful it wasn’t more punishing. In the end, I had worked all the muscle groups to virtual failure, so I can’t complain too much about the effort required…and besides, little did I know what the next day would bring…

Oh, again, this session ends with Ab Ripper X. Fun ab onslaught.

Day 4: Yoga X

Holy Mother of God!!! This is one of the most humbling routines I’ve ever endured.  I felt like a crippled swan through most of this routine, as it emphasizes muscle endurance, balance, and flexibility, all of which I lack in spades. Most of the positions were vastly uncomfortable and I’d estimate I only did 50-60% of the overall routine to any sort of accuracy. Yes, it’s that hard. It’s the kind of thing I could see a cocky football player trying and quitting halfway through.
However, if you check your ego at the door, you just press through it and try to improve.

The first 50 minutes or so are the hellish part. The last 40 minutes (yes, another wrinkle, this is an hour and a half routine) are a little easier as they emphasize stretching more. The last 10 minutes are actually quite relaxing. Tony mentions that this is the “Yin” to the “Yang”, to which I thought, “Hey buddy, you only gave us 10 minutes of pure Yin and killed us the rest of the time!”

Oh well, I can always get a tamer Yoga program elsewhere if I want to get all relaxed with it.

Oh, below is the pose I attempted and failed at miserably. My goal is to be able to do it after the 90 day period.

Not for panzies

Not for panzies

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Starting P90X With Abandon

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

First of all, I should have started writing about our P90X experience last week, for my life has already changed drastically, and I still haven’t done a damn workout.

It all started when my wife and I were in a hotel room and saw the infomercial.

The New P90X Infomercial – Part #1

Now, there are only two infomercials that have ever almost swayed me into a hasty, regrettable purchase, and those are the ones for Slap Chop and Sham Wow.  I know, I know, nothing to be ashamed of as those are brilliant works of a visionary madman, but still. Transforming one’s body in 90 days is a dime-a-dozen sort of claim you hear about all the time. Unless you’re adopting an eating disorder, you can debate proper nutrition and workout regimens forever.

However.

This program piqued my interest because it incorporates weights, jumping, yoga, stretching, cardio, and kicking and punching. It also introduced the concept of “Muscle Confusion”, which suggests that consistent progress in strengthening and conditioning one’s body is possible by constantly changing up routines and “confusing” the body; keeping it guessing as it were.  In general my workout routines consist of going to the gym a couple of times a week, lifting weights and jumping on an exercise bike, rinse and repeat, etc. P90X resembled training for the UFC by comparison.

So my wife and I discussed it and when I got home from vacation I immediately went to Beachbody’s site and ordered the program.

For what it’s worth, I read tons of reviews of P90X before opting for the purchase, and most people had good things to say about the program and the company. Ordering from Beachbody was easy enough, but they sport what is quite possibly the most obnoxious marketing “Upsell” flow with their checkout I’ve ever seen. After you try to finalize your purchase, you are repeatedly taken to one screen after another asking you if you’d like to purchase protein bars, recovery drinks, pull-up bars, stretch bands, so on and so forth. It’s incredible — like buying something at a store and having the cashier try to get you to set up a credit card account, and buy some tube socks, or maybe some chapstick on the way out, or how about premium shampoo!

Beachbody also gave me a “Free” upgrade to some sort of expedited shipping. Yet shipping and handling still added about 30 bucks to the price, so instead of $120 the total price was $150. Thanks for that free service!

Nevertheless, the package arrived within a few days, and I could then progress to the next part of the program — figuring out what the hell to eat.

More on that later.

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