The first week of Insanity has started off a little like that.

To give some perspective — When I did P90X, I started off at 205 pounds with a nice little pot gut just in case I got stranded in an ice storm and needed to dip into some reserve fat stores. After a month of a high protein, low fat and low carb diet and the workouts, I bottomed out at 196.5 pounds. From the second month on I gained some of the weight back and ended up around 200 pounds. Nothing too shocking there. Fat burning off, muscle being added back on. The net result was something close to the original weight with much better tone in general.

However. Insanity has been different. I started off the program at 200 pounds (see above). After 8, I repeat, 8, days, I’ve hit 194 pounds. And I can’t stop eating.

You see, I didn’t read the nutrition guide closely enough. The meal plans it recommends are something like this: 5 meals a day around 300 calories apiece; adjust depending on current weight, age, and activity levels. Well, you see, I read the guide, did the calculations, and because I am slightly ADD missed an important step. I wanted to actually gain a little weight while doing this program and came up with 3000 calories a day, which I’ve mostly adhered to.

After losing 7 pounds in nearly as many days I became mildly alarmed, seeing as how I hadn’t figured I had 7 pounds to lose very easily. I revisited the nutrition guide, redid the calculation, and realized I missed an important step. As it turns out, I’d need 3500 calories just to maintain a weight of 195 or so, and 4000 if I want to gain weight.

Holy FREAKING CRAP. That is a buttload of food. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to cram 4000 calories of food into your diet, but it is VERY hard to do with real food. If it’s synthetic pizza, or other sundry junk food, then sure, just throw down a triple baconater from Wendy’s (yes, I custom ordered one of those once) or a Monster Thickburger from Hardee’s and you’re 1/3 of the way there. But with fruits, veggies, and lean meats….forget it.

In my defense, the Insanity Nutrition Guide was a little misleading with its examples. Not only are the example meal plan portions WAY low, but the example calorie calculations are a little unrealistic. The example given was an active 40 year old woman with a very small frame. Now I realize this is a possible scenario, but it isn’t one that gives us a clue as to how the program would work for a larger athletic fellow at all. As it turns out, my caloric needs are almost twice that of the dainty older woman’s.

Anyway, I’m readjusting my strategy. My wife is already freaking out that my nutritional needs in a day are that of most third worlder’s in a week. Still, my goal with Insanity is to get in kick ass cardio shape and at least maintain my basic gains from P90X. I don’t want to look like a skeleton, so I will eat as much as I can.

Also, I realize some of you reading this may think that the rapid weight loss is a great and desirable thing, particularly those of you struggling to lose weight. Take it from me, though, that I don’t think rapid weight loss is a balanced and sustainable strategy. Sure, losing 20 pounds in 3 months if you’re 30 pounds overweight shouldn’t necessarily be frowned upon, but losing 7 pounds in a week when you’re NOT overweight is a whole different ballgame. So, I’m going to revamp the meal plan and figure out how to get more calories into the schedule. Incidentally, the wonderfully smart and fit Chalene Johnson writes about crash diets and weight loss… not entirely the same subject, but there is some overlapping material here, and she knows way more about this than I do.

Trust me, because I’m slightly ADD (see above) I’m allergic to calorie counting and have always felt it’s a crutch for the anal retentive amongst us who don’t want to analyze the quality of food but instead want to grab trendy fad diet boxes they’ve seen advertised between reality television shows. Why work harder when you can spend more! However, Insanity is making me rethink the whole calorie tracking thing as it has boosted my metabolism into something akin to the golden, confusing days of puberty, minus the zits. One thing I’m looking into is weight gaining shakes.  Another thing I’ve always resisted, but GOOD GOD, 4000 CALORIES A DAY!!! It’s either that or eat so many wraps, bowls of spaghetti, eggs, apples, bananas, salads, and chicken that I empty out the local grocery store single-handedly. I’ll keep you posted.